Periodically, I go through my wardrobe (pile of clothes) and think to myself, “Letty, perchance it’s time to grow up. You are 30 now, practically a woman, maybe it’s about time you stop dressing like a 13 year old boy from 1982. ( Or like the kid who wants Blue Oyster Cult tickets in Fast Times at Ridgemont High)” But then I look at all the magnificence lying before me. I have THE BEST T-SHIRTS in the ENTIRE WORLD. The collection of shirts that I have amassed bring a smile to my face, and make me feel like a real cool dude. My t-shirts are so great they own their own 1977 Pontiac Trans-Am. T-Top of course, you know because T-SHIRTS. Get it? OH SHIT.
Here is a list of my t-shirts from memory (and I know I totally forgot some): I have 4 Foreigner shirts, 2 Bryan Adams, 2 Ted Nugent, 1 Rod Stewart, 2 Quiet Riot, 1 Ozzy Osbourne, 1 Jerry Reed/Smokey & The Bandit shirt, 2 ZZ Top, 1 Bob Seger,1 Curtis Knight Band, 1 Van Halen, 2 Billy Squier, 1 Rolling Stones, 1 David Bowie, 1 Led Zeppelin, and 1 Who, and these are all vintage concert tees. My Bowie one is for his 1978 World Tour. I only have two reproductions, my Iggy Pop & The Stooges, and my T. Rex. In general, I am a snobby bitch that turns her nose up at repros (see how terrible I am?), but I can make an exception for excellence. May I suggest that if you want to DIY your shirt and cut it up so you can show off your clavicle, buy a reproduction or I will find you and claw out your eyes for ruining the sanctity of a shirt that has lived longer than you. I am considering buying a Jarvis Cocker shirt on eBay though, just so I can have him close to my breasts.
Guys, I have so many great shirts and some of them are pretty valuable. I could really go on about it for days and days. I mean, I didn’t even GO INTO my shirts that aren’t concert tees, but let’s be honest, this is a pretty dull topic. So, let’s get to the good stuff–pictures of me in a few of my sweetass shirts.Pump up the “Stranglehold” and let’s begin.
Now, I have to give a shout out to a fallen soldier. One of my greatest shirts, a Molly Hatchet shirt featuring Frank Frazetta artwork, was stolen away from me and I still haven’t gotten over it. I let a friend borrow it, which is rare because I am weirdly protective of my shirts, and some bitch stole it out of his bag when he was sleeping. So sad. My friend still feels very guilty about it, but I have since (almost) forgiven him <3. The worst part of it all is I actually saw the evil thieving wench out at a bar WEARING MY SHIRT. I just couldn’t find a way to prove it was mine (IT WAS DEFINITELY MINE) and get it back without ripping it off her body. When I saw her wearing it I screeched like a banshee, after explaining my scream, the door guy at the bar still calls me Molly Hatchet. I tried guys, I really did. I approached her, and asked where she got the shirt, and she just said, “Oh it’s a vintage shirt from the 80′s.” LIKE I DIDN’T KNOW THAT. There was just no way . I just hope that dumb bitch loves that shirt even a tenth of the amount that I did and I also hope that she gets her nose broken by a goose while riding a roller coaster, just like fucking Fabio. ~Le sigh~
Do you guys have any great shirt you want to talk about, or do you want to compliment me on my awesome shirts? Did I leave any out? Leave me a comment!